By Ben Pobjie Wednesday 10 June 2015
Photo: Getting your finances in order is easy if you just follow these tips from the Treasurer. (Alan Porritt: AAP)
It turns out our straight-talking Treasurer has far more handy hints than just "get a job, get a house". Having trouble paying for groceries? Just buy cheaper things. Finding it hard to save? Just spend less money. It's easy once Joe shows you how, writes Ben Pobjie.
How much more refreshing than a clear mountain stream is a politician who tells it "how it is". And in Joe Hockey we have a doozy, a man of irrepressible forthrightness, a leader of boundless integrity, a statesman who would rather hurl himself into a snake pit than tell it how it isn't for even a moment.
Not many politicians have Hockey's peculiar blend of shrill petulance and kamikaze gumption, and it's to our nation's benefit that we get the straight dope from him. As we did this week when Hockey, faced with questions regarding the increasing lack of affordability in the house market, provided a simple, common-sense solution to the problem.
"The starting point for a first-home buyer," Hockey summed up in classic style, "is to get a good job that pays good money."
YouTube: 'Get a good job', Hockey tells first-home buyers
And you know what? He's absolutely right. That IS the starting point for first-home buyers. The Treasurer's calm advice should be a wake-up call for all those aspiring first-home buyers who have been starting out by getting a bad job, or by quitting their job, or by setting themselves on fire outside a bank. None of these are the way to go, and it's time we accepted this.
Naturally, Hockey's comments caused controversy, but this was only because people insist on jumping the gun. Hockey only said that getting a good job that pays good money was the starting point for first-home buyers. Of course as Treasurer he knows there's more to it.
After getting the job and the good money, of course, the next step is to give the money to a man who makes houses, and then naturally you'll need to hire movers. It doesn't happen overnight, but there's no doubt: having a good job that pays good money is the starting point. And if you have a bad job that pays bad money, or a good job that pays bad money, or even a bad job that pays good money ... well that's hardly Joe Hockey's fault, is it? He didn't make you take that job.
Far more significant than the carping of a few malcontent arts graduates who think Centrelink owes them a studio apartment is the fact that for once the levers of economic power in this country are being grasped by a man who understands the problems facing the populace, and who is willing to come forward with easy-to-implement solutions to those problems.
It doesn't stop with "get a job, get a house". Hockey's got all sorts of helpful hints to share with us, including:
Household budgets
Many Australians have difficulty making ends meet from week to week these days - the grocery dollar doesn't stretch as far as it used to. Treasurer Hockey has a little trick we can all try, though. "If you're having trouble affording essentials like food," he says, "why not try buying cheaper things?" It's as easy as that! Sound too good to be true? Well we here at The Drum have personally tested this tip, and found that it works like a charm - buying things that cost less than other things can shave up to 40 per cent off your household spend.
Savings
It sure is hard to get ahead with your savings, isn't it? How can you build up a nest egg with so many demands on the old purse strings? Hockey's got you covered. "The secret to successful saving," the world's best Treasurer confides, "is putting money in a bank and leaving it there for a while." Again, try it and see: I predict that after just a few weeks of putting money into your bank, and not taking it out again, your savings will be burgeoning like nobody's business. And speaking of business, why not try the Treasurer's tips on:
Business expenses
It's every Australian's dream to own their own business, but with all the overheads involved, how can you cover start-up costs? The man whose broad, safe fingers are clutching the nation's finances didn't get where he is by being a business mug, and he has some incredible information to share. "When starting a business," our Joe nods wisely, "the most important thing is to have enough money to start a business." And guess what, guys: he's right. In fact, ABS figures show that 100 per cent of businesses that stay afloat for five years or more started out with enough money to start out. Are you going to argue with facts?
Education
It's every parent's dilemma: you can't afford private school, but you also don't want your child to be a murderer. How can you, on your modest pay packet, send your beloved offspring to a school that doesn't offer ice manufacturing as a PE module? It's easy if you just listen to Ol' Joe, Wallet-Master. "Education costs are easy to meet," he says, sucking thoughtfully on a cigar, "if you just remember, every month, to put away exactly the amount you need for school fees, then give that amount to the school." And to think how many people believe private school is a complicated affair!
Travel
So often we think we have to settle for cut-price holidays, but there's no need to, if you're just smart about your money. As the Treasurer explains, "for affordable, luxurious travel, why not try being a Cabinet Minister?"
Try any or all of these great Hockey "shortcuts" for yourself, and like me and countless other new homeowners, you'll be left wondering just why you didn't think of it yourself!
Ben Pobjie is a writer, comedian and poet with no journalistic qualifications whatsoever.
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